How to Tell Your Manager You're Doing IVF (Without Derailing Your Career)

There's a conversation that lives in your head for weeks before it actually happens. You rehearse it in the shower, you draft it at 11pm and delete the whole thing. You wonder whether you even have to say anything at all, whether saying something will change how they see you, and whether the silence is actually worse than the alternative.

I know. I had that exact conversation with my own boss during IVF. And I came out of it with the support I needed, and a few months later a promotion, a pay rise, and a full bonus. I don't tell you that to show off, I tell you because I want you to know it's possible, if that’s what you want, and because the method I used is one I now share with every client I work with.

Here's how to do it.

Before anything else: you do not have to disclose everything

You are not obliged to use the words "egg retrieval" at work. IVF is a medical matter and you can request flexibility around appointments without going into detail about your protocol. Some women keep it entirely private and that is a completely valid choice.

But most women I work with find that some level of disclosure makes the logistics significantly more manageable. Trying to navigate the unpredictability of a cycle entirely in silence, like the last-minute scans, the retrieval, the two-week wait, the emotional weight of whatever the result is, adds a layer of performance on top of something that's already taking everything you've got. So the question isn't really whether to tell them. It's how much, to whom, and how to go into that room prepared.

1. Prep for success

Before the conversation happens, get yourself mentally and emotionally ready for it. That sounds obvious, but most people skip this step and walk in reactive rather than grounded. Think about how you want to come across, about the impression you want to leave, and about difficult conversations you've handled well before. What did you do that worked?

This isn't about suppressing how you feel. It's about knowing what you feel so it doesn't catch you off guard in the room when you really need to say what you need to say. If you need to talk it through with a friend, a mentor, or a coach before you have it for real, do that first.

2. Know your IVF basics and share them clearly

Your manager almost certainly has no idea how IVF works. They don't know that scans and blood tests and appointments are called at short notice, that egg retrieval is a surgical procedure with a recovery time, that the two-week wait requires psychological endurance. You don't have to give them a medical lecture, but a brief, clear overview of why your schedule might be unpredictable and for roughly how long is useful.

Think about what you're willing to share and what you're not. You get to draw that line wherever you want. But coming in informed, rather than vague, makes the conversation feel professional rather than apologetic.

3. Know exactly what you need

This is the part most people underestimate. Go into the conversation knowing your specific asks, not just a general sense that you'd like things to be easier. Do you need flexibility around start times during monitoring? The option to work from home on certain days? A standing agreement that you can attend appointments without formal approval each time?

Know what you're asking for. Know what you're prepared to compromise on. Know your non-negotiables. When you're clear, it becomes a practical conversation about logistics rather than an emotional one about your situation, and that's better for both of you.

4. Make the business case

Your manager is, ultimately, operating within an organisation that needs to function. The best version of this conversation isn't you asking for things and them deciding whether to give them. It's you making the case for why supporting you is the smart call for the business.

What's your value to the company? What does your experience, your relationships, your institutional knowledge actually cost to replace? What will your commitment and loyalty look like over the long term if this goes well? And what might their concerns be about saying yes, so you can address them before they raise them?

You are not asking for a favour. You are negotiating a working arrangement that keeps a good person doing good work. Frame it that way.

5. Come with solutions, not just problems

Walking into your manager's office with a list of problems and no suggestions is unlikely to get you what you want. Come with proposals. If you need flexible hours, suggest a trial schedule. If you need occasional last-minute time off, think about how you'd manage handovers and communication. If there are projects you'd struggle to carry during the most intense phases of treatment, think about what that transition could look like.

A proactive, solutions-oriented approach tells your manager something important: that you're still the same person they hired, and that this is a problem you're solving together rather than one you're handing to them.

After the conversation: follow it up in writing

A brief email summarising what you discussed and what you've agreed removes ambiguity later. You don't want to revisit the same conversation in three months because nothing was confirmed. Keep it factual and professional.

What I know from the other side of this

I went through intensive IVF treatment at a point in my career where the stakes felt very high. I had the conversation I'd been dreading for weeks and it turned out to be one of the better things I did for myself during that time. The support I got didn't just make treatment more manageable, it made it possible. I had the headspace to keep performing at a level that earned me a promotion and a bonus that covered every penny of my treatment.

You deserve to be supported at work, not just to survive it. And the conversation that's living in your head right now is usually far more manageable than the weeks of silence that come before it.

If you're trying to work out how to navigate not just this conversation but the whole business of keeping your career intact during fertility treatment, that's exactly what I work on with clients.

Download my free guide to talking to your manager about IVF here.

Or book a free call and we can chat about how career and fertility coaching might help you. No strings or hard sells!